Grief has to be one of the hardest things to cope with during our lives and sadly we all loose someone we care about deeply, how you deal with it can affect you for the rest of your life. I'd like to share my blog with you about the greatest man to have ever walked this earth.....My dad.
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Where there is life, then there must also be death. One can not be with out the other...and in the words of my dad...there are two certainties in life....the tax man and death.
We all can hope that we will live to a very old age with all our marbels still intact and when the time comes for us to depart this earth, then we can go peacefully in our sleep knowing we lived a full and happy life.
Unfortunately life does not always work out this way, many are taken far too soon and unexpectedly, leaving us heartbroken and struggling to come to terms with our loss. There was no time for goodbyes or time to mentally prepare like you could if a sickness was involved and you knew it was coming.
One minuet here....the next gone forever.
Whats this got to do with glass engraving or Hypoplastic left heart syndrome I hear you ask........It has everything to do with that, my dad supported me greatly when I started with my glass engraving venture, he let me store my glasses in his garage and he bought me some whenever he came across a good deal. The day before he died he actually went out and bought me fifty two glasses from Wilkos as the store was closing down, I never asked him to do this but that's the kind of dad he was, he wanted to help me.
My son Lee with hypoplastic left heart syndrome thought the world of my dad....... his papa. My dad was there for him the day he was born and he helped support me during the times Lee was down in Birmingham having his heart operations. My mum and dad were there with me every step of the way, paying for my food when Lee was in hospital, sitting with Lee if I needed to take a break, short as it was just so Lee was never alone.
I will be forever grateful for the love and support they have given me during that time, in the times when I was told Lee would not make it......they were there......when I waited seven long hours in the waiting room while Lee had his open heart surgery......they were there.......they are in my eyes the best parents in the whole wide world, and my mum continues to be till this day.
There are many books out there to help you deal with grief
Grieving Mindfully - by New Harbinger
Healing A Spouses grieving Heart - by compassion Press
It's Ok That You're Not Ok - by Sounds true
Grieving Child Never Knew - by Zondervan
How To Heal A Grieving Heart - by Hay House
Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mum Died - by Mango
When Your Child Is Grieving - by Harvest House Publishers
Resilient Grieving - by The Experiment
Grieving - by Bethany House Publishers
On Grief And Grieving - by Simon and Schuster uk
It was two years ago today (24/2/17) I lost my dad.......two years!!!!!! It does not even feel like two months, the memories of that night will forever haunt me, and I will never forget the feeling of being totally helpless......I could do nothing but watch what was happening less than ten feet from where I stood and was powerless to do anything about it. I had never seen anyone die before....sure I'v known many people that have passed away but never been there at that moment. I'm glad I was there along side my sister, brother in-law and of course my mum, we were altogether right to the end and I know that he would of known this. Always surrounded by love.
I thought up until that point that I knew what grief was, how wrong I was.......I have lost people before that I thought a great deal about and have been very upset when they passed, and think about them often.
This grief however was a completely different experience to what its been like in the past. I thought I knew sadness and knew what it was like to hurt but again this is like a whole new level. I can't actually explain it, but when I think of my dad it actually hurts, it feels like someone has taken my heart in their hands and they are crushing the life from it. I like to pretend that he is actually just away somewhere because in truth the reality is just too hard.
When someone dies that you know, after a while you think the family of that person will be alright now, time has passed and they look pretty much back to normal. When my dad passed I realised this was not the case. You are numb in the beginning, I found this stage the easiest because I couldn't feel anything, I was just like a zombie going through my life unfeeling, lifeless of any emotion and just went on auto pilot.
Then the hurt came and the weight of sadness I felt was beyond any sadness I have ever felt in my entire life, I wanted to crawl into a hole, bury myself and remain there forever........You see it never really hit me until eight nine months after his passing that he wasn't coming back, the longing to hear his voice and to just get one of his great big bear hugs was killing me.
If ever I needed advice on anything then it was my dad I went to...I no longer have that. As time passes its getting harder not easier, which many people wouldn't know unless they are going through it too. Yeh we all walk around going about our daily life, but no one really knows what is going on inside your head. We are still hurting....I am still hurting and the passing of time means nothing. He was in my life for thirty seven years, you cannot get over that in the space of a couple of years.
My dad meant the whole world to me, he wasn't just my dad he was my friend.
I had an amazing relationship with my dad, we shared the same sense of humor and would laugh so hard at things that were not even that funny. We spent days building things together and he taught me the correct way to build and to do it right first time....measure twice cut once......is what he used to say.....repeatedly to me and id still do it wrong many times..
He was my fishing partner, we took part in many pairs fishing competitions together, never won anything but sitting for nine hours in the wind and rain was worth it just to spend time with my dad, I still go fishing with my children and even tried some coarse fishing last year with my big cousin. As much as I love fishing with other people its not the same, it will never be the same with out my fishing partner.
I am the closest to a son my parents ever had, I was the last born out of their four daughters. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not a girly girl. I'd rather spend my money on a good sturdy pitch fork than on make up and clothes any day. I enjoy fishing, shooting and mole catching. The mole catching I continued to do on my own once my dad passed away, I'm still learning and I'm by no means an expert but I enjoy doing it and I know that my dad would love the fact I'm continuing something that was passed down to him from his dad.
There are five stages of grief
Anger and Guilt
Despair and depression
After two years I'm still on number three......the angry part that is, I'm pissed off its happened and I don't see that changing any time soon. Some people can sail through the grieving process and learn to accept whats happened very quickly, I admire these people but sadly that's not me.
Grief has to be one of the worst experiences us humans on earth go through, we are emotional creatures and when something like this happens in our lives we all choose differently how to cope with it. Many turn to drink and drugs to stop the hurt feeling and block out the pain which only leads to depression then more drinking followed by a deeper depressing sending them on a downward spiral and unfortunately many will never find their way back up,
Others turn to God, I myself do not believe any of the bible stuff, but what others believe in is none of my business and if it helps them with the healing process then for them this is the right path.
One of the best ways to work through your grief is to talk about it, many friends and family try to avoid the issue with fear they might upset the person that is grieving....trust me they have not forgotten that they have died and avoiding the subject can only lead to the person withdrawing from everyone and bottling feelings up which would be much better let out and talked about.
People are kept alive by our stories and the memories we share, so by sharing this with others it can sometimes feel like they are still with us. I'm a firm believer in life after death. I feel the life we live on earth is only a small part of whats to come and one day we will all be together again, maybe I'm just hopeful but I wouldn't like to think once we have passed away then that's it.....that's too final for me.......Our body is an energy, and energy has to go some where, it doesn't just disappear......right?
I know life today is extremely busy. There simply is not enough hours in the day for most people, myself included, but I'd like you to take a moment to think about your own parents, when was the last time you spent time with them? I mean quality time not just poping in and out for a quick visit.
As the years fly by you may or may not of noticed that your parents are aging, you may think to your self I'll go see them tomorrow, but what happens if tomorrow never comes? Tomorrow is never a promise and you may think you have plenty of time.......You don't!!!!! Death does not give out second chances, once they leave this earth they are gone. Its up to you to make all the time we have on this planet count.
You may think ....... It wont happen to me.......I never though it would happen to me, but it did. At least I can say I spent quality time with my dad, I seen him practically ever day and helped both my parents out with whatever needed to be done, I made time.......I will always make time for my family.
It's not until you loss someone that you realise all the other things you worry about actually means nothing at all.....job, money, car..etc It all means nothing, just don't wait till you loss someone you care about to realise this for yourself.
You only get one shot at this game of life so make it count.